The Carnival of The Random : Fifty things you probably didn't need to know about me

Fifty things you probably didn’t need to know about me

1: When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last?

Vanilla. At least with Spumoni there’s pistachio. I bloody loathe vanilla.
2: Would you rather be caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella or a snowstorm without boots?

I don’t need no stinkin’ umbrellas. True story: I never use them because I was taller than my mum when I was 8 and she never let me hold the umbrella. At some point, it was get wet or risk losing an eye.
3: Let’s say you have access to a time machine, but it can only go either backward or forward. One or the other. Which do you choose and where do you go?

Future. Anywhere we’ve learned how to stop being this venal, hateful, willfully stupid and awful to other human beings.
4: If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick?

If I could have Rogue’s power, without the awfulness of being unable to touch people, that’d be cool.
5: Tomorrow morning, you wake up in the body of a celebrity, like in a ’90s body-swap movie. Who is it? How do they react to your life? What do you do when you’re “them”? Would you choose to switch back?

Ann Romney. Because she very obviously needs to learn what life is like for, “You people,” who don’t have the privilege she has. I would siphon as much money as possible where it needs to go, and HELL YES I would switch back.

6: Any allergies?

So many. So, so many. Weirdest: I’m allergic to the scent of correction fluid.
7: What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers?

Neither. I’ve bought and sold both. I worked retail in and shortly after college.

8: Did you get enough sleep last night?

I never get enough sleep. I’ve been insomniac since childhood.

9: You’re the sole witness to a Mafia murder. Witness protection has to set you up with a whole new life in a totally new country. You have to leave everything behind, but you can pick where you move to. Where do you go?

England.

10: If you could star in a biopic about any famous person ever, who would it be?

I have no idea. I really don’t. I haven’t wanted to be an actor since I was about 8, and I’ve never wanted to be someone other than a much better, luckier version of me.

11: What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever killed? Bugs count.

Are we counting putting pets to sleep? Great Dane. Otherwise, it was probably a ginormous mutant waterbug. We lived in a complex that had a perpetual issue due to a crappy garbage chute/incinerator thing. Blech.
12: Would you rather have millions of dollars but always feel nauseous when you go outside, or be dirt poor forever but never get sick again in your life?

They make medicine for nausea. I’d live with it.

13: A wizard offers you immortality in exchange for your two front teeth. Do you take it?

Implants, baby. Yes. Although I’m really not sure about the whole immortality thing. I get bored.
14: Could you win the Hunger Games?

Maybe. I can be spectacularly determined, bloody-minded, and ruthless when the system is fucked up. I think the games count as that.
15: What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid? How about as a teen/adult?

Wonder Woman, as a kid. As an adult: being a little kid. Flannel jammies, pigtails, a teddy bear and fuzzy slippers. Comfiest costume ever.
16: Do you bite your nails?

Not anymore.
17: What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?

Star Wars, in May of 1977. It was the first movie I went to the cinema for, it was the only movie my father ever took me to see. I was 4.
18: Do you prefer music with male or female vocalists?

Male. I’m an alto/contralto, and I can sing more songs with male vocals.
19: You and the love of your life are having a baby, and you get to choose the name! There’s only one catch: your partner INSISTS that it be the name of a place, real or fictional. What do you name your baby?

Holland. It’s versatile and gender-fluid in diminutive.

20: If you could reboot or remake any movie, what would it be and who would you cast?

I wouldn’t. I don’t feel the need to remake things I love. I love them as they are.
21: If you could automatically know how to speak any language or play any instrument, which would you choose?

Language. As long as I also know how to read and write it. If you mean, which language/instrument: French and the Cello.

22: For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing?

No. Memory is what makes us who we are. We are sculptures of time and experience. Also, 1. My mind is a ferocious thing, and to lose that might kill me, 2. I’ve been a caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s. My grandmother didn’t know who I was for the last three years of her life. I mourned her long before her body gave out and dementia is one of my worst fears. What happens to the people we can’t remember?

23: If you curse loudly and then realize that there are children nearby, what is your reaction?

I apologize to them. Not to the parents, the kid(s).

24: Of what animal are you most afraid?

SPIDERS.

25: Pizza or oral sex?

Oral sex, but only if the person knows what they’re doing. Otherwise: Pizza.

26: Without looking them up, can you explain the rules of football? How about Quidditch? What do you think that says about you?

A little of both. There are some details of football that are fuzzy, but Quidditch is pretty easy. What that says about me is that I am extremely likely to remember things I don’t need to know in daily life.
27: You’re in the car, switching channels on the radio when you hear a song that makes you go “OH SHIT, THAT’S MY JAM!” What song is it?

Pour Some Sugar On Me.

28: Have you ever paid to see a Step Up movie? If not, how much would someone have to pay YOU to see a Step Up movie?

No. Fifty bucks, minimum. I grew up on Flashdance, Krush Groove, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Sing… seriously. I’m all full on the dance flick score.
29: If you were being executed tonight, what would you choose for your last meal?

Black and blue filet mignon, chocolate mousse cheesecake, Framboise Lambic.
30: Have you ever bought an item of clothing because it reminded you of something a fictional character would wear?

I grew up in the 80s. I had loads of Madonna’s Desperately Seeking Susan-era accessories. I developed a mad pash for tiered hippie skirts because of Jami Gertz’ wardrobe in Lost Boys. Yes.

31: If you were invisible for a day, what would you do?

Eavesdrop like a boss.
32: Have you ever been punched in the face?

No. But I have punched people in the face.
33: How do you take your ramen noodles?

I don’t.
34: Do you ever rehearse or plan conversations before you actually have them?

Sometimes.
35: How much black do you wear on a regular basis (not counting funerals)?

Not as much as when I worked in a corporate cube farm.
36: Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any?

I have one. I want more.
37: If someone offered you a free pet snake, would you take it? It’s not dangerous or really big or anything. They’re just moving to a place that doesn’t allow pets.

I’d consider it, with a lot of trepidation.
38: Do you know how to pronounce the word “pinochle”?

Yes.
39: Can you think of anything more boring than birdwatching?

Golf.
40: Are you better with numbers or words?

Words.
41: At the movies, do you stay for the credits?

Most of the time. Unless my mum is rushing out, (and might fall over) or I have to pee.
42: Is morality universal or relative?

The principles of morality, i.e., kindness, compassion, do unto others, should be universal. People treat them as relative. More’s the pity.
43: Let’s say you’re getting married to someone you absolutely adore. The only catch is that you met them through a Craigslist hookup ad that was supposed to be just for one night of casual sex. Would you tell your friends how you and your fiance met?

Yes. There are very few things I have shame over. This would not be one of them.
44: What’s the worst name you’ve ever been called?

I don’t remember. I was bullied so much that it was never any single name, but the absolute absence of NOT being called names.

45: Would you eat human flesh if it had been harvested and prepared humanely? (Say, from someone brain-dead who had marked him or herself down as an organ donor - same difference, right?)

No.
46: At what age did you stop believing in Santa? Alternately, if you never believed in Santa, did you ever ruin Santa for anyone else?

9, and I don’t think so.

47: Do you get along better with old people or little kids?

Kids. Older people haven’t liked me since I learned how to read between the lines of bullshit they tried to feed me. I think I was 12.
48: If you had to choose, would you rather become a nun/monk or a drug dealer?

Drug dealer. I’m an agnostic/atheist, so… drug dealer.
49: What’s your best bodily feature, objectively speaking?

My eyes are fairly compelling, I’ve been told.
50: Who is your favorite late night talk show host?

Craig Ferguson.

The Carnival of The Random

2012-08-18

Fifty things you probably didn’t need to know about me